Road to Redemption
by xiaou-xijiang
Summary: There are many things that blacken the soul: anger, envy, hate. We live with them and move on. Rei Kashino has many ghosts haunting him. One of which is the woman he loved.
1. once upon a time

**Title: **Road to Redemption

**Author: **xiaou-xijiang

**Summery: **There are many things that blacken the soul: anger, envy, hate. We live with them and move on. Rei Kashino has many ghosts haunting him. One of which is the woman he loved. The woman he killed.

**Disclaimer: I do not own MARS.**

**Rating:** T

**Author's note:** This plot bunny came to me while I was battling a strong case of insomnia and trying to belch out the next chapter of Hey, Stranger. No worries, that fic is still in progress, and I have everything that I want to happen in my head for that one, this is just a tidbit that I'll be working on in between.

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**Chapter one: once upon a time**

Akira nervously smoothed down her skirt for the third time in five minutes. It wasn't like she was nervous. Even if she was---which she _isn't_---she had a perfectly good reason. This was her first interview with the subject of her new book. Never mind that he was a convicted murderer sent to prison for 25 years to life. Not that **that** had anything to do with her being nervous. That has nothing to do with it at all.

She paced around the white room, anxiously straightening the two chairs, opening and closing her notebook, placing her pen in just the right place. This room was what was making her nervous. It was completely white, the ceiling was way too high, and the officers leering at her from behind the glass window were enough to make her palms sweaty.

Akira leaned against the table, crossing her slender legs in front of her. Maybe the skirt was a bit much, after all it only reached to the middle of her thighs and don't felons get a bit _frustrated_ with all this time in prison? She really didn't want to think about that she realized, finding comfort in the two guards with handguns that were hopefully locked, loaded, and ready.

_What is taking so long?_

Akira glanced at her watch again. _Damn it, I hate waiting. _She slid back into moving and set up a pattern. Move chair slightly to the left. Move around table, do same thing to the other chair. Adjust pen. Enough ink? Check. Sweep imaginary dust off steel table. Then move chair slightly to the left, move around the table and do the same thing to the other chair.

She settled into this uneasy rhythm until she heard movement outside.

Akira straightened and her brown eyes fixed on the man---the murderer---on the other side of the window.

Alawyer (she guessed from the dress pants, shirt and tie and sauvy shoes) waved the guards away with one hand and with tight fingers on the man's cuffed arm ushered him inside. Akira held her breath.

The man was tall, with long, silky blond hair falling to the middle of his shoulder blades. Through the orange jumper she saw defined muscles that spoke well of his physique. His face was handsome, carefully constructed by an artist.

But what caught Akira's attention were his eyes. Inside deep blue she found a hidden pain, and through his older appearance she saw a boy. Just a little boy…

Akira shook herself and hardened her resolve. This wasn't a boy, this was a murderer. A man responsible for taking the life of three people in cold blood. Akira looked into the eyes of Rei Keshino and saw a cool gaze, one that didn't speak of the suffering of a guilty man with blood on his conscience.

Akira nodded to the lawyer. He gave her a tired smile and exited the room, shutting the door with an almost inaudible click that seemed to reverberate through the walls.

Rei smiled at her. Akira shivered. Something was off about that smile. Something not right. Rei moved forward, the chains on his hands and his feet jingling with every step. His blue eyes, predatory and calculating, stared at her, making Akira feel naked and trapped.

Rei pulled the chair back and Akira jumped at the sound of metal scraping against floor. Rei smirked at her, and seemed to be amused at her discontent. Akira frowned at him, before her frown melted into an uneasy smile as he slipped gracefully into his seat. He brought his arms, chains and all, to rest on the face of the table, his fingers interlocking as he waited for her.

Akira cleared her throat and she too plopped into her seat. "You must be Rei," she began, her statement sounding not like a statement at all, but, to her horror, it sounded like a question.

Rei raised one eyebrow in a show of masculine beauty.

Akira flushed and hurried to move on. "My name is Mishaimo Akira. I've heard a lot about you and I've decided to write a book. I need to hear your story, do you think you can answer a few questions for me?"

Akira's question hung in the air as Rei regarded her with that same calculating gaze. He leaned forward on his arms and Akira instinctively moved back. His eyebrow rose again, just for a moment, before he shifted and brought himself back against his chair.

Akira figured that his voice would be rough and coarse from his years in prison, but she was wrong. His voice was soft, seductive and cold.

"They're dead. I killed them.Was that all?"

Akira blinked and stuttered. "That's not what I---"

"What do you want from me? A blow by blow? A complete map that you can scribble down on your fancy little notebook so everyone else can _understand_ why I did what I did? You say you want to understand, but that's complete _bullshit._ You don't care, you see the facts. I'm a murderer and it scares the hell out of you. So why should I tell you anything?"

Akira blinked, and stared at the blue eyes that were cold as ice. Anger was boiling. "I just want…" _what do I want?_

"You no what, you're right. I don't want to know you. I don't want to hear any Hollywood sob story about how you were so misunderstood that you just _had _to put a bullet into some body's head. What I want to know is why three innocent people are dead. Three human beings are dead because of you. And I want to know _why_, Mr. Keshino."

Rei stared at her, not moving. Completely still. Akira felt her anger leave her in one smooth rush. _I said too much…_

Then, Rei threw his head back and laughed. Akira stared at him. _He's a murderer and a psycho. This just keeps getting better and better. _

Rei calmed down from his mirth and leaned back on two legs of the chair. "You remind me of Harumi. You would have liked her. She didn't take shit from anybody." A boyish smile was lighting his face, a complete change from the icy man a moment before.

He came forward and the legs hit the floor with a loud _thump._

His words were deadly soft, resonating from a place deep inside. "I did kill some people. Would it matter if I said I didn't mean to?"

Akira just stared at him hard.

Rei let a ghost of a smile pass his lips. "No. I guess it wouldn't." He sighed, closing his eyes. And in that moment, he truly did look like a lost little boy. When he opened them, blue stared at her, aching and heartbroken.

"Write this down, Ms. Mishaimo, 'cause this is the last time I'm ever gonna say this."

Akira clicked her pen and waited, the ball tip poised over the smooth clean paper.

Rei sighed, letting his fingers clutch each other tightly. He closed his eyes.

"A boy I once knew told me: "The act of killing is a very human voluntary action." I didn't understand it then. I figured they were just kind of …I don't know. But I never really recognized what he meant. What he tried to tell me, until after I saw him dead."

Rei sighed and ran a hand through his hair, sliding the silken strands through his fingers.

"Once upon a time, I killed the woman I loved."

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**Author's note: **SO how's that? This just came up outta the blue, so it might be a bit weird. So is Rei too OOC? Read and Review! 

-xiaou

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	2. Iris

**Title: **Road to Redemption

**Author: **xiaou-xijiang

**Rating:** T

**Disclaimer: **Still don't own Mars.

**Reviews:**

**Blueseedfan: **Thanx for another great review!

**ArcherofDarkness and Callie: **AWWW! Don't cry! ((hands her hankie)) And--- ((removes gloves and slaps cheeks)) your stories do NOT suck thank you very much! I've read some of your stories (_You_ being my favorite) and you have the nerve to say they SUCK! That is FUBAR for real! When you write stories you say this is written by Callie, instead of AOD and Callie, are you like co-authors or something?

**LatinaChick4life: **don't worry, I'll update _Hey, Stranger_ soon, I love your reviews! Thanx!

Thanks for the Reviews and keep 'em coming cause I absolutely LURVE reviews! Also Kira dies in between vol. seven and eight. Just to resolve any confusion that may occur.

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**Chapter two: Iris**

_Her name was Kira._

It's funny, but even after all this time, I can still remember stupid stuff. Like the way she smells. (faintly like apples mixed with oils and paints) The way her eyes would get so big when she was nervous or self conscious, the way her eyes would be so focused when you had her attention. The way she would blush when I was being an old perverted ass, or when I made her smile and her whole body radiated with happiness.

The little things, that I used to take for granted, now connect me more than ever with her memory.

I can never really forget the way she would hold me, whenever I needed it, the way she would cry whenever I couldn't, the way she would just be _there._ I never knew how much I needed that, until I didn't have it anymore.

Kira was---is--- the only person that I could really open up to. She would just sit there, let me talk, even if I'm telling her some scary shit or other about me, she would just sit quietly watching. And when I'm done, she'd gather me up and hold me.

That's the good thing about Kira. No matter what I've done, or who I was, she'd just take it all in, and say something like "No one has the right to blame you for anything." Or "You're not scary to me," or "I don't care what you do, just as long as you come back to me."

I don't expect you to understand what we had. I think it was something deeper than what every one else expected. Whenever I saw her, I'd get all warm and my heart would beat kinda weird like. Almost painfully. I loved her. I still do.

And no one can understand what that meant to us. With what little time that we had, we loved each other.

Sometimes, I'd just lay my head in her lap, and she would just run her fingers in my hair. I'd breathe her in. The smell of oils and paints reminded me of my brother, Sei. He died a few years before. I had wondered for a long time if that was why I was attracted to her, because she gave me a sense of peace that I only found in Sei.

But with the paints, there was always a faint trace of apples in her scent that would drive away any thoughts of Sei. Kira was her own person, she wasn't Sei, she was just…Kira.

My Kira.

Sei had never been comfortable with the way I was, always bitching to me about cleaning up my act. His constant nagging pissed me off and I just did it more and more. Kira just…she worried, I know that. But she would just hold my hand tightly, and look at me with those sad eyes. And I guess that's what made me back off and cool down. Whenever she looks at me with those big, soulful blue eyes, I just feel…I don't know. Ashamed, I guess.

She never said anything. But I guess that's just Kira.

Ever since I was a kid, I had been violent. There was this one time, when Sei had told me he had been picked on by a bunch of punks back in L.A. I didn't even know what was happening until after I had the pistol in the kid's mouth.

He was crying and blubbering and in that moment he had disgusted me so much that I hated him. I didn't care what happened to me. I just wanted him gone.

So I pulled the trigger.

But the gun was empty. So I just pulled the gun out of his mouth and watched as he retched all over the place. I looked to my brother and saw that he was frozen. Staring at the boy in a morbid fascination looking for the entire world that he would be sick himself.

Shortly after that he killed himself. Jumped off the top of the building of the school. I remember running up the stairs and finding him staring at the ground below with curiosity. Like the way he looks when he just finished one of his portraits.

He turned to me, and gave me a smile. A knowing smile, like he knew what he was going to do to me if he jumped.

His smile was small, both accepting and sad. He said goodbye in that one smile. And I froze, just looking at him. A million things ran through my head with that smile. And then he was gone. I don't even remember seeing him jumping, he just disappeared.

You know how everyone says that twins are connected and can feel what the other feels? I always thought that was complete bullshit. But in that moment, I saw my life flash before my eyes, and I can swear on everything I have that I heard him whisper to me.

_Goodbye Rei. _

Then I heard his body hit the pavement. And I was still frozen. I don't remember running down and seeing him there. But then I saw him infront of me, just lying there; eyes partially opened, staring at nothing, that smile frozen on his face. Blood was leaking from his head, moving towards me.

I just went crazy. I don't really remember much of what happened after that, but I woke up in a psychiatric ward. I was really messed up. I still am.

I hated mirrors. I hated pictures. And most of all, I hated portraits of me.

But then, I can remember seeing Kira so scared as that half-cocked, ass whipe English teacher put his hands all down her shirt. I hated the art studio with a passion, but I said I would meet her there, so I would. I hadn't known her for very long, but breaking even that small promise to her was unthinkable.

I felt like I did with Sei, when I saw them there. I threatened him, with a box cutter. He ran like a bat out of hell. And she had looked at me, with scared eyes. Wide and watering. But she was grateful. And I guess I liked being there for her. So I told her I'd protect her.

I must have been crazy to say that, but I guess I just wanted to be near her. Even in this small way. She asked me to model for her.

I'd be damned if I didn't say yes.

You probably don't understand what that meant for me. Every time I looked at myself I'd see Sei lying there in his own blood. But for Kira, I'd do anything.

Anything.

So that's when I slowly began to become some one other than a failing street punk, relying only on his fists and his looks to get by. I became something to Kira in that moment; I could see it in the way she would look at me sometimes. Her eyes would soften and get this warm look that made me feel like I was superman or something.

I knew, I always knew that there was something special about her. I confirmed it when we first kissed. She'd been clumsy, but it had been sweet. Special comes to mind. She had been warm, and soft. When I had finally let her go I had felt so lonely and cold.

Kira was something else. Something beautiful, something that was all mine. We had such a damned good time with each other.

When I think back, I can't really remember something's that we did together in detail. Only flashes and bits and pieces that had crumbled over the years. Only one time really stands out clear in my mind.

We were at the lake on February 26. It was a Saturday. Weird how I can place a date even now. We were having a picnic. Kira made lunch and I brought a stereo. I had a bunch of old CDs from L.A. and I just put them in and we listened to music as we ate. (Kira was a hell of a cook)

I can remember what Kira was wearing. A skirt that flared at her knees, it was a soft blue. She had a white blouse on and low healed shoes. Her hair was down (I loved it that way) and blowing every where in the breeze.

Then this song came on. _Iris_ by the Goo Goo Dolls. Kira had hummed before getting up and dancing.

_I'd give up forever to touch you_

'_Cause I know that you feel me somehow_

_You're the closest __to heaven that I'll ever be_

_And I don't want to go home right now_

The sun was out and shining down on her and it sparkled in her hair, making the strands shine. She had a smile on her face as she moved, twirling letting her self go.

_And all I can taste is this moment_

_And all I can breathe is your life_

'_Cause sooner or later it's over_

_I just don't want to miss you tonight_

I just sat there watching, I watched as she smiled and twirled, letting her hands drift above her head as her skirt flared and danced with her.

_And I don't want the world to see me_

'_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_And when everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

Kira had a little smile on her face as she moved. In all the time I'veknown her, this was the first time she's ever danced. And I had a feeling that she was dancing for herself. Her hips were moving as she twirled around. And I could feel the joy she had. I could feel her happiness.

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming_

_Or the moment of truth in your lies_

_When everything feels like the movies_

_Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive_

In that moment, Kira had shed all her boarders, all her boundaries. No one was around no one was watching. Just me. And as I watched, the sun shining around her hair making a halo over her head, she had never looked so beautiful as she did in that moment.

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_And when everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

I'm not much of a dancing person. But the way her eyes pleaded with me, I couldn't stop myself. I stood and followed her lead, copying her movements. She laced our fingers and held them high, we turned around together, smiling at each other.

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_And when everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

We moved together, laughing if one of us stumbled. I remember holding her hips and moving with her from behind. One of her hands was on my arm around her waist, the other cradling the back of my head. I could feel her smiling and I twirled her around in my arms. My hand guiding her on the small of her back, her hand clasped tightly in my fingers. We danced along the grass just moving together.

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_Cause I don't think that they'd understand _

_And when everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

My heart was beating with hers in that moment. She put both hands around my neck, and we slowed as the song came to a close.

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am _

_I just want you to know who I am._

Kira and I still danced although the song was finished, although the CD had stopped.

That day was something special, and I'll never forget it. The way she had leaned into me, as we danced, the way she had looked up at me with those wide blue eyes. I knew. I _knew._

I loved her.

That day, I wish I could…I could tell her what that day meant to me. I wish I could dance with her one more time to that song. _Iris_ is forever our song now.

February 26 was the last time I danced with Kira.

Two weeks later, she was dead, her eyes staring at nothing, a small smile on her lips as she whispered goodbye.

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**A/N **in this chapter I wanted Rei to get something's out about himself and Kira before the good stuff starts happening. _Iris _belongs to the Goo Goo Dolls. You should listen to it while reading about Rei and Kira dancing. When I started listening to it, I started dancing too, which is how I got the idea for this chapter. So read, dance, and review! 

-xiaou


	3. let slip the dogs of war

**Title: **Road to Redemption

**Author: **xiaou-xijiang

**Rating: **T

**_Author's Note: _**Sorry for long wait, but I completed this chapter all in one day, because I was guilty that my attempts at Chapter 7 of _Hey, Stranger_are failing so badly, so sorry if it seems a little rushed.

**_Warning: _**there will be naughty words and violence in this chapter.

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**Chapter 3: **let slip the dogs of war

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That morning the sun rise bled. It was weird enough that I was awake earlier thannoon, especially on a Sunday, but a weird disquiet filled me. I felt it in my dreams. I dreamt of her. She was beautiful, a silky white veil whispering over her face. Her dress flowed like water, sparkling like diamonds, rippling like a sweet combination of moonlight and sun.

Everyone was smiling, hell; even I was smiling like an idiot. But she was so beautiful I couldn't care. She was gliding towards me, and with every step my heart beats faster. But the closer she came, the harder it was to see her face. When she finally stood beside me and slipped her pale hand into mine, I felt the completeness that I always did whenever she was around.

She squeezed my hand, and it was warm and soft. So, as you can imagine it took me awhile to realize that something wet was sliding against our fingers, making it harder to hold my grip on her. Drip. Drip. Drip. A whisper of sound against the stone of the church floor echoed in the silence.

It might have been irrational, but that sound shook me to the core and I couldn't find the strength to turn towards my bride. Then her hand was falling from mine and I felt her body crumple like a flower wilting in the cold of winter. She fell, her legs just folded from beneath her. And I just stood there barely able to breathe as her fingers slipped through mine.

And there she lay.

I knew my face was twisted in a grimace; I was fighting myself, forcing myself to keep my face turned. I knew if I saw what I knew I would if I looked, my mind would break into a million pieces.

Just like my heart.

But I couldn't stop myself. I turned to look at my girl. She lay like a fallen angel, her arms spread at odd angles, her dress a sea of silk. Her bouquet of white and lavender orchids was soaking with her blood. The stain was spreading along the purity of her dress. Innocence lost. How fitting. Her veil had slipped away, twisting and floating down to rest in the growing puddle seeping from a gaping wound in her torso.

Her eyes were wide and panicked, her hands fluttering around her chest. Blue eyes, impossibly wide, searched for me; pleaded with me, and I couldn't do anything but stare in widening horror.

I guess she tried to call for me, but dark blood bubbled from her rosy lips to spill over her chin. I turned away, tears falling from my eyes as I heard my love's broken gasps. I was shaking and I was crying, but when I heard her last, broken gasp, I was screaming.

I couldn't sleep worth a damn after that.

Looking at the shitty walls of my shitty apartment was slowly driving me insane, so I drove. Riding on my bike was like a dream, and for the first time it just throw me into a worse form of discontent. It was like I was grasping for something, and it eluded me. The feeling pissed me off, so I drove faster. And faster.

The streets blurred together, the cars were nothing but dust beneath my wheels. Have you ever been riding before? No, I suppose you haven't. Usually, it feels as if the world is peeling away and I'm disappearing into the wind. But that day, it felt as if the world was crushing me, and I was a prisoner desperately trying to escape. The world didn't disappear but mutated into shadows so much like my dream.

When I finally stopped running, I was drenched from head to toe in sweat, and the heart in my chest was bursting. At the hill is where I stood, leaning on my bike and watching as the sky lightened over the lake. I kept seeing her lying there, floundering in a lake of her own blood.

The sun rose that day, reflecting the bloodshed that was to come. The light broke in a sky of crimson, cradled in a blanket of violence that radiated and pulsed with every illuminating ray.

* * *

A shadow was in my heart; it was suffocating me. I couldn't breathe. The only thing that could save me was my girl. I was racing through the streets, the sun seemed to be raised high in the sky; I didn't think that I had gone so far. I didn't give a damn though. I didn't give a damn about anything, nothing but…

My bike screeched to a halt in front of her house, before I was up and running banging on her door like a mad man. My mind was filled with images of her. It was terrifying, I hated it. I knew I was trippin', but I would have gone insane if I didn't see her. _Kira, Kira…_

The door disappeared beneath my fist and then she was there. Her hair was messy and stinking in every which way, paint smeared on her cheek. Her eyes were so wide they almost swallowed her face. She looked so beautiful right then, so fresh, so _alive _that my knees gave from under me and I was falling in her arms.

She caught me, like I knew she would, cradling me and holding me close to her heart. The soft beat soothed me and the disquiet melted into content, and I nuzzled deeper into her chest. She was so soft; I could lose myself in her. And I did.

Kira's strong arms tightened around me, and I vaguely noticed she was pulling me inside. The warmth that embraced me soothed my heart, and entranced me. Kira cooed to me and settled me into her bed, soon following me when I gave a cry of discontent. Soon after, when I grasped enough of my cool to settle with just holding her hand, she asked me what was wrong.

Jeez, what kind of shit faced question was that?

I didn't want to talk about it. Not when she was as warm and sweet smelling, her hand warm and tangled in my strong grip. But she was looking at me with such sadness and worry that I had to reach a finger towards her and rub the soft crease in her forehead away. After I did I couldn't stop, and my finger traced her soft nose and full lips. I pulled her towards me and crushed her to my chest.

She sighed and molded into my hard angles, like she was made for me. Kissing her was like kissing sunshine. So warm it was addicting, but get too close and I would start to burn. I wanted to have her; I wanted her bad. But I just kissed her, and held her, and touched her until she sighed and leaned into me, resting her head on my chest.

Her bed was pretty small, but with her completely on top of me, we made a snug fit. I stuffed an arm behind my head and ran my fingers through her beautiful tresses with my other.

In the end I would tell her nothing, only run my hands through her hair and listen to her purr in content. We would fall asleep that way, with no one to interrupt us.

That's what I want to say happened.

But then, that would be a lie.

When I arrived at her house, I realized that something was wrong. I leapt off the bike and went to bang on her door. The door swung open with the first rap of my knuckles. No one stood on the other side.

The house was so silent the quiet seemed to bleed through the walls. The hair rose on the back of my neck, and the constriction in my chest tightened. I walked out of the foyer and into the kitchen; the air was freezing.

In the kitchen, the window was opened, the curtains were blowing in the morning breeze and the soft sunlight blossomed and illuminated the sharpness of Mrs. Aso's corpse. Her body was spread like a broken doll, her eyes opened and glossy; mouth a perfect 'O' of surprise. My stomach leapt into my throat, and I swear I was close to puking my guts out. I really did when I realized that the pink and red splatter on the wall behind her was her brain.

The bullet on her forehead gaped at me, an ugly mark of death on ghostly white skin. I had to turn away, wiping the puke on my lips away with my jacket sleeve. It was then when I was staring at the pale yellow wallpaper in front of my face that the fear swamped me. It was so strong that my whole body was shaking. Then I was running, stumbling on unsteady feet.

I took the stairs in giant leaps, dashing and tripping over my legs in my haste. I couldn't run fast enough; the door always seemed so far…

The room smelled of oils and the sweet scent of apples, the window was open…and Kira was gone.

* * *

I was shaking. I can't really tell you what I was thinking when I stumbled down the stairs. My thoughts were a whirlwind of chaos and despair, like when you're stuck in a nightmare that seems never ending, and you jerk yourself awake to escape it all. But I wasn't asleep, and this was reality. Perfectly normal for my fucked up life. Mrs. Aso was in the same place I left her, her eyes staring at everything and nothing.

Damn.

Her soft yellow skirt had drifted up her pale thighs; they were painted with deep, dark crimson splotches. My feet were moving me, and before I knew it, my hands were gently pulling her dress down, covering her thighs. I don't know why I did it, I mean, she's already dead, right? But, I don't know, I just…I didn't want anybody to see her that way. I wanted to preserve what little honor she had left.

I turned away from the corpse, leaning heavily against the counter. I could feel the women's lifeless eyes boring into the back of my neck. _Damn, damn, damn, damn…think Rei. THINK.

* * *

_

_"Why did you do it Rei?" I groaned at the sound of her voice, turning away from my girl in favor of staring at the hole in my comforter. _

_"He pissed me off." Actually that was an understatement. The dumb-ass should have known better than to talk about my girl like she was some piece of ass._

"_You got suspended **again**."_

"_What else is new?" _

_Kira sighed heavily and the bed dipped when she sat down beside me. I could feel her warmth against my back. She rested her hand against my shoulder blade, and I shivered. It was soft against my shirt. Twisting onto my back I yanked her into my chest, her heart beating with mine. My tension leaked out of me, and I tightened my arms around her. _

"_I really hate it when you fight, Rei." _

"_I know."_

"_You scare me to death, sometimes."_

_I sighed. Kira shifted, her face raising so that she could look up at my face. I turned away. _

"_Rei…" She drew a small pattern on my shirt. My hand tightened on her hip, before relaxing and smoothing out the wrinkles I made on her dress. "I'm not trying to change you, I just want you to think about what you're going to do before you do it." Her warmth and the soft scent of apples and oils soothed me. She touched my chin, my eyes immediately finding hers. "Please?"

* * *

_

I tired. For her I tried. But…the despair was coiling in me like a snake, mutating inevitably into rage. I was slowly turning numb, and my shaking stopped. The rage was fierce, and all I wanted to do was _kill_. I'd burn the city to the ground if I had to, I'd take every one down. I was a walking time bomb, and it was only a matter of time before I blew.

Something caught my attention, and I turned to fridge. There on the refrigerator was a note scrawled sloppily, hanging on by one of Kira's homemade butterfly magnets. I moved forward. The note was in my hand.

The world stopped turning on its axis, my heart skipped a beat, before the ice incased it. I tore the note to pieces.

I bowed stiffly in respect to the remains of Mrs. Aso and stalked out the front door, barely noticing the bloody handprint I left behind. Only one thing was on my mind. The bike was moving even before I was even on. I drove, I knew exactly where she was. I knew exactly who_he_ was._Damn, I should have killed him when I had the chance. _

_Kira…_

_I don't know what I'd do with out you._

_I'd die for you._

_I'd kill for you._

_I swear.

* * *

_

I barely took in the familiar settings when I stopped, they were but a blur as I streaked by. The door was open and gaping; a dark hole leading into hell. I passed through. The hallways were silent and empty; the only sound came from the squieak of my sneakers against the floor. The lockers creating a never-ending tunnel of gray and white. It was dark, the lights above for once, not illuminating. It was disquieting. But still, I ran.

I raced up the stairs, ignoring the ache in my legs. There! Finally. The door that stood before me was intimidating. I remember, quite clearly, the last time I had gone through a door like this. It looked exactly the same, I felt the same anguish I felt then. The ice around my heart was melting.

* * *

_There on the refrigerator was a note scrawled sloppily, hanging on by one of Kira's homemade butterfly magnets. I moved forward. The note was in my hand._

_"You hate me, because you are just like me, Rei. Funny, isn't it, how things work out? I have something you care about, I wonder what expression will play across your face when she falls… Are you scared now, Rei?"

* * *

_

The cool steel of the door burned me as I twisted it. It opened.

_Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war…

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_

**Author's note: **Alright people, again sorry for the long wait, thx to every one who has been keeping up with this story. I hope this chapter wasn't too confusing for anybody.

_It looked exactly the same, I felt the same anguish I felt then._ By this, Rei is referring to the time when he had raced up the stairs to the roof to save his brother. He feels the same sense of foreboding now as he did then.

_Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war---_ It's such cool line, one of my favorites from Julius Caesar and it goes with the mood, and basically fits with this chapter. I was going to name it_ death in the sunrise_ but that didn't seem to fit anymore as the chapter began to shape itself. Well, I hope you liked this chapter, tell me what you think in a review!

-xiaou


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